Indian Jokes: September 2008

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Our Governance System

As a daily habit, the 10-year Old Pintu was reading newspaper.
Suddenly he asked his father, " Dad! What does it mean by 'Governance
System' ? "

" Its Like...", father said while thinking, " See! I earn and bring money
to home, mean's I am a 'Money Holder'. Your mother decides where and how
to spend that money and that means she is 'Government'. That maid in our
home is doing all the household works, so she will be 'Labour Class'. You
are a 'Common man' or 'Public'. Your kid brother is 'Future' or the 'Next
Generation', understand?".

That day Pintu slept with all those thoughts. In the middle of the night
he woke-up because his kid brother was crying. He wetted the matrices so
he was crying. Pintu went to woke-up his mother. She was in deep sleep so
Pintu went to the Maiden's room to wake her up. But there his father
was sleeping with the maid. So he came back with frustration.
Next morning father asked Pintu, " Hey Pintu Darling! You understood the
'Governance System'? ".
Pintu replied, " Yeah Dad, I understood! When money Holder is exploiting
Labour Class, our Government is sleeping. Future of our nation is crying
for not getting their basic needs fulfilled and in all this Common Man is
suffering!"

~Chindian

http://chindianquotes.blogspot.com/2008/09/zero-mania-in-human-beings.html

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Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Legal and Logical

After having failed his exam in 'Logistics and Organization', a student goes and confronts his lecturer about it.

Student: 'Sir, do you really understand anything about the subject?'

Professor: 'Surely I must. Otherwise I would not be a professor!'

Student: 'Great, well then I would like to ask you a question.

If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my mark as is and go. If you however do not know the answer, I want you give me an 'A' for the exam. '

Professor: 'Okay, it's a deal. So what is the question?'

Student: 'What is legal, but not logical, logical, but not legal, and neither logical, nor legal?'

Even after some long and hard consideration, the professor cannot give the student an answer, and therefore changes his exam mark into an 'A', as agreed.

Afterwards, the professor calls on his best student and asks him the same question.

He immediately answers: 'Sir, you are 63 years old and married to a 35 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife has a 25 year old lover, which is logical, but not legal. The fact that you have given your wife's lover an 'A', although he really should have failed, is neither legal, nor logical.'

~Chindian

http://chindianquotes.blogspot.com/2008/09/wisdom-teeth-concept.html

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Monday, September 22, 2008

God's wife

An eye witness account from New York City , on a cold day in December, some years ago:

A little boy, about 10-years-old, was standing before a shoe store on the roadway, barefooted, peering through the window, and shivering with cold.

A lady approached the young boy and said, 'My God, you're in such deep thought staring in that window!'

'I was asking God to give me a pair of shoes,' was the boy's reply.

The lady took him by the hand, went into the store, and asked the clerk to get half a dozen pairs of socks for the boy. She then asked if he could give her a basin of water and a towel. He quickly brought them to her.

She took the little fellow to the back part of the store and, removing her gloves, knelt down, washed his little feet, and dried them with the towel.

By this time, the clerk had returned with the socks. Placing a pair upon the boy's feet, she purchased him a pair of shoes.

She tied up the remaining pairs of socks and gave them to him.. She patted him on the head and said, 'No doubt, you will be more comfortable now.'

As she turned to go, the astonished kid caught her by the hand, and looking up into her face, with tears in his eyes, asked her, 'Are you God's wife?'

~Chindian

http://chindianquotes.blogspot.com/2008/09/drugs.html

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Speech on Kashmir Issue at UN by an INDIAN Representative

An ingenious example of speech and politics occurred recently in the United Nations Assembly that made the world community smile.

A representative from India began: 'Before beginning my talk I want to tell you something about Rishi Kashyap of Kashmir, after whom Kashmir is named.

When he struck a rock and it brought forth water, he thought, 'What a good opportunity to have a bath.'

He removed his clothes, put them aside on the rock and entered the water.

When he got out and wanted to dress, his clothes had vanished. A Pakistani had stolen them.'

The Pakistani representative jumped up furiously and shouted, 'What are you talking about? The Pakistanis weren't there then.'

The Indian representative smiled and said, 'And now that we have made that clear, I will begin my speech.'

And they say Kashmir belongs to them………………………………………..

~Chindian

http://chindianquotes.blogspot.com/2008/09/zero-mania-in-human-beings.html

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Friday, September 19, 2008

10 words

10 Words that makes us more Beautiful/ Handsome

The Most Selfish " 1 " letter word.

" I " ---> Avoid It

The Most Satisfying " 2 " letter words.

" We " ---> Use It..

The Most Poisonous " 3 " letter word.

" Ego" ---> Kill It..

The Most Used " 4 " letter word.

" LOVE " --> Value It.

The Pleasing " 5 " letter words.

" SMILE " -->Keep It.

The Fastest Spreading " 6 " letter word.

" RUMOUR " --> Ignore it..

The Hardest working " 7 " Letter Word.

"SUCCESS " --> Achieve it..

The Most enviable " 8 " letter word.

" JEALOUSY " --> distance It..

The Most Powerful " 9 " word letter word.

" KNOWLEDGE " --> Acquire It.

The Most essential " 10 " letter word

" CONFIDENCE " -- > "Trust It.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

IT Jokes

* Project Manager is a person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in one month.
* Developer is a person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a baby.
* Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month.
* Client is the one who doesn't know why he wants a baby.
* Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available.
* Resource Optimization Team thinks they don't need a man or woman; They'll produce a child with zero resources.
* Documentation Team thinks they don't care whether the child is delivered, they'll just document 9 months.
* Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy with the PROCESS to produce a baby.
* Tester is a person who always tells that this is not the right baby.

~Chindian

http://chindianquotes.blogspot.com/2008/09/zero-mania-in-human-beings.html

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Bathroom Joke

Three (male) programmers were in the bathroom standing at the urinals.

The first programmer finishes, walks over to the sink to wash his hands. He then proceeds to dry his hands very carefully. He uses paper towel after paper towel and ensures that every single spot of water on his hands is dried. Turning to the other two, he says, "At Microsoft, we are trained to be extremely thorough."

The second programmer finishes his task at the urinal and he proceeds to wash his hands. He uses a single paper towel and makes sure that he dries his hands using every available portion of the paper towel. He turns and says, "At Intel not only are we trained to be extremely thorough but we are also trained to be extremely efficient."

The third programmer finished and walks straight for the door, shouting over his shoulder, "At Sun, we don`t piss on our hands.

~Chindian

http://chindianquotes.blogspot.com/2008/09/zero-mania-in-human-beings.html

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Paradox statement

Paradox - "A statement that seems contradictory or absurd but is
actually valid or true."

Few centuries ago, a Law teacher came across a student who was willing to learn but was unable to pay the fee.

The student struck a deal saying, "I would pay your fee the day I win my first case in the court". Teacher agreed and proceeded with the law course.

When the course was finished and teacher started pestering the student to pay up the fee, student reminded the deal and pushed days.

Fed up with this, the teacher decided to sue the student in the court of law and both of them decided to argue for themselves. The teacher put forward his argument saying: "If I win this case, as per the court of law, student has to pay me. And if I lose the case, student will still pay me because he would have won his first

case. So either way I will have to get the money".

Equally brilliant student argued back saying: "If I win the case, as per the court of law, I don't have to pay anything to the teacher. And if I lose the case, I don't have to pay him because I haven't won my first case yet. So either way, I am not going to pay the teacher anything".

This is one of the greatest paradoxes ever recorded in history.

~Chindian

http://chindianquotes.blogspot.com/2008/09/zero-mania-in-human-beings.html

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Gangster's Resume

Objective:
To obtain a challenging position as a Crime Implementation Analyst (CIA)

Education:
* B.S. (Crime Technology) Tihar Jail, India, August 1994
* M.S. (Criminal Sciences) Virginia Prison for International Smugglers and
the Unlawful Activists(VPISUA), August 1996.

Thesis:
"On escaping from high security prisons like Alcatraz with minimal efforts"

Coursework:
Cop Psychology, Plastic Explosives Technology, Bomb Controls and Timer
Device Theory, International Smuggling and Drug Trafficking, Object Oriented
Crime Design

Work Experience:
* Research Assistant, LTTE Labs, Jaffna, Aug 1990-Aug 1991
* Worked on the prestigious Belt Bomb project
* Developed instant death cyanide capsules in orange, strawberry; and mint
flavors (Patent# 007,13,666)

Summer Internship:
* Dawood Ibrahim and Haji Mastan Associates, Bombay, June1987-July1990
* Worked as a hitman and was responsible for many supari style killings
* Participated in election rigging in Bihar and made hafta Collections

Honors & Achievements:
* Won 1980 Gabbar Singh Memorial Award (given to child prodigies in crime)
* Member, IPKF (Indian Professional Killers Forum) student chapter
* Performer of the year in 2004 General Elections in Bihar & U.P.
* Strong hold on Govt. & NGOs.
* Specialized in extortion,illegal construction business & fake academic
degree supply.

References:
* Dr. Charles Sobhraj, Full Time Prof., Tihar Jail, New Delhi
* Dr. Chandra Swamy, Visiting Faculty Tihar Jail, New Delhi
* Dr. Dawood Ibrahim, Overseas Projects Manager, Dubai

~Chindian

http://chindianquotes.blogspot.com/2008/09/zero-mania-in-human-beings.html

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The Perfect Employee?

1 Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found
2 hard at work at his desk. He works independently, without
3 wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never
4 thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and always
5 finishes given assignments on time. Often he takes extended
6 measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
7 breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
8 vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
9 knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be
10 classed as an asset employee, the type which cannot be
11 dispensed with. Consequently, I recommend that Bob be
12 promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
13 executed as soon as possible.

Addendum:

That idiot was standing over my shoulder while I wrote the report sent to you earlier today. Kindly re-read only the odd numbered lines.

~Chindian

http://chindianquotes.blogspot.com/2008/09/zero-mania-in-human-beings.html

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