Difference between GOD and Manager

We all know this one

One day a man was having a conversation with God when his whole life flashed before his eyes as a series of footsteps on the sands of time. He saw that there were two pairs of footprints, but during the most difficult periods of his life there were only one set of footprints. He asked God "You said you will be with me throughout this journey, but why have you deserted me during the most critical times of my life??" to which God answered "Son, I did not desert you, I was always with you...you see only one set of footprints
because during those difficult times in your life, I was carrying you in my hands"
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Now know this one too!!!

Another day I was having a similar conversation with my Manager when my whole project flashed before my eyes as a series of footsteps on the sands of time. I saw that there were two pairs of footprints, but during the most difficult times in the project there were only one set of footprints.. I
asked my Manager"You said you will be with me throughout the project, but why have you deserted me during the most critical times of the project??" to which the PM answered "Son, I did not desert you, I was always with you...you see only one set of footprints because during those difficult times, I was sitting on your head!!"

Chindian ( truly an Indian)
http://chindianjokes.blogspot.com/2008/05/sex-education-and-its-impact.html

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IT Craze or Mania

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IT Symptoms

If you have been in IT industry, these are your symptoms:

1.) U use phrases like "No issues" and "Value addition" in everyday parlance. For e.g. When talking about your milk man, U say, "His milk

does zero value addition to my health but he is the only guy around so no issues"

2.) Ur prime source of entertainment is the forwards send to U by friends whose faces U cant remember.

3) U drink more tea or coffee than water.

4) U keep trying to shut down ur home computer by pressing Ctrl+Alt+Del (used to lock office comps)

5) When ur mobile rings at home, U rush outside to receive thecall.

6) When U make calls at home, U accidentally dial "0"to get an outside line.

7) U haven't played Solitaire with real cards in years.

8) U spend the entire day reading forwards, smoking cigarettes, drinking tea/coffee and playing T.T. and then complain about the late working hours.

9) Ur important 'meetings' usually comprise two or three people max, including yourself.

10) U secretly prepare for CAT only to find ur PL sitting behind you at the exam.

12.) U keep pressing Ctrl+Enter wondering why your gmail is not going.

13.) U email ur mate who works at the desk next to U.

14.) As U read this list, U r thinking of sending it to ur friends who are also in IT.

15.)U r too busy to notice there was no line no. 11

16.)U r not sure so u scroll back check it .

17.)And now u r smiling!!!!

GOD is Protecting India

During the Cold War, if USA launched a nuke-loaded missile,

Soviet satellites

would inform the Soviet army in 3 seconds and in less than 5 seconds
Soviet
counter-missiles would be on their way.
This was their scenario.................




But if there is a nuclear war between India and Pakistan .




The Pakistan army decides to launch a nuke-missile towards India .

They don't need any permission from their government,
and
promptly order the countdowns.

Indian technology is highly advanced.

In less than 8 seconds, Indian army detects the Pak Countdown and
decides
to
launch a missile in retribution.



But they need permission from the Government of India.



They submit their request to the Indian President. The President
forwards it to the Cabinet.


The Prime Minister calls an emergency Lok Sabha session. The LS meets,
but


due


to several walkouts and severe protests by the opposition,

it gets



adjourned



and



adjourned



indefinitely.


The President asks for a quick decision.


In the mean time,

the Pak missile failed to take off due to technical failure. Their
attempts
for
a relaunch are still on.


Just then the Indian ruling party is reduced to a minority because a
party

that

was giving outside support withdraws it.

The President asks the PM to prove his majority within a week.

As the ruling party fails to win the confidence vote,

a

caretaker government is installed.



The caretaker PM decides to permit the armed forces to launch a nuclear

missile.



But the Election Commission says that a caretaker government can not
take


such a decision because elections are at hand.

A Public Interest Litigation
is filed
in the Supreme Court alleging misuse of power by the Election
Commission.




The Supreme Court comes to the rescue of the PM,


and says


the acting PM is authorized to take this decision in view of the
emergency
facing the

nation.



Just then one of the Pak missiles successfully took off, but it fell 367

miles away from the target, on its own government building at 11.00AM.



Fortunately



there were no casualties as no employee had reached the office that
early.


In


any case, the nuclear core of the missile had detached somewhere in
flight.





The Pakistan army is now trying to get better technologies from China
and


USA .





The Indian Government, taking no chances, decides to launch a nuclear


missile



of its own, after convening an all-party meeting.




This time all the parties agree.




Its three months since the army had sought permission. But as
preparations
begin, "pro-humanity", "anti-nuclear" activists come out against the

Government's decision.



Human chains are formed and Rasta rokos organised.


In

California and Washington endless e-mails are sent to Indians condemning
the

government and mentioning "Please forward it to as many Indians as

possible".




On the Pakistan side, the missiles kept malfunctioning. Some missiles

deviate

from target due to technical failures or high-speed wind blowing over

Rajasthan.



Many of them land in the Indian Ocean killing some fishes.




A missile (smuggled from USA) is pressed into service.


Since the Pakistan army
is unable to understand its software, it hits its original destination:

Russia .



Russia successfully intercepts the missile




and in retaliation launches a nuclear missile towards Islamabad.



The missile hits the target and creates havoc.




Pakistan cries for help. India expresses deep regrets for what has
happened


and


sends in a million dollars worth of Parle-G biscuits.




Thus India never gets to launch the missile.



Pakistan never gets it right.


And









JJJwe live happily ever after JJJ

Jai* Hind

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http://chindianjokes.blogspot.com/2008/05/sex-education-and-its-impact.html

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